Writing’s hard. I discovered this when I was five years old and was told off for plagiarising the work of the little girl at the next desk. The teacher had asked us to write our name. I figured that if I copied the strange marks on my neighbour’s page I would be able to write my name too. The little girl was flattered and we became friends. Result!
And the writing? The teacher said one of us must have copied the other and her money was on the one who wasn’t called Susan.
Hey ho, at least I’d made a friend. Many years later I’m still much better at networking than I am at writing, and looking forward to my Networking Workshop at this year’s Festival.
I teach Interface Networking. That means I can help you to make that all important personal connection with the industry player who’s going to make you money.
Of course I can only teach it because I learned it at the coal-face. Unconscious networking is a doddle. We’ve all been doing that since we first shouted “Get off me you bastard” to the nurse who smacked our arses on arrival.
But conscious networking has most of us stumped. And I was no exception…
I stared up at the speaker, a celebrated screenwriting agent. She’s the one, I thought: confident, sassy, passionate and tough. She knows her onions. I want her.
I followed her to the bar and joined the queue of writers nonchalantly pretending that they weren’t queuing to speak to her.
As I moved up the queue I practiced my perfect pitch. This was it! I knew I must reveal myself as her next must-have new client. I just had to.
Suddenly I was on. My mouth dried up, a ball of tumbleweed rolled across my vision and the eerie sound of nothingness whistled in my ears. While she looked at me expectantly, my knuckles grazed the floor and a little sliver of drool escaped from the corner of my mouth. My eyes rolled back up into my head. The seconds ticked away.
“What a lovely shirt,” she said, to break the ice.
“Would you like it?” I said. “You can have it. Honestly.”
Right.
But, hey, there’s always another chance. The next time I bumped into her…
“We met last year. You said you liked my shirt. I’ve got it with me. Shall I get it?”
Hmmm.
But, hey, there really is always another chance. The next time I bumped into her…
It occurred to me that she might be tired and thirsty after her speech. She was only human after all.
I approached her as she came off the stage and offered to buy her a drink. I said I’d get the drinks in and find a table in the bar. She accepted gratefully and joined me after she’d seen off the wannabes offering her the shirts off their backs. We began a relationship and not long after that I joined her agency.
The difference?
Acts I and II were about me. Act III was about her…
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Janice Day is a Writer Performer and Writers’ Agent who teaches Interface Networking. Author of the comedy cancer memoir GETTING IT OFF MY CHEST, she is currently working on its stage adaptation with top West End Director Matthew Gould. The film adaptation is in development with Island Pictures. She’s also developing a documentary about Adult ADHD with Maverick Television.
Posted by a member of the London Screenwriters’ Festival team.
